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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29294445">那便是整个世界</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/crownofplanets/pseuds/crownofplanets'>crownofplanets</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dead Poets Society (1989)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Canon Related, Canon Universe, Drunken Confessions, Drunken Shenanigans, Fix-It, Love Confessions, M/M, Post-Canon, References to Shakespeare</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>中文-普通话 國語</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 01:49:15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>10,313</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29294445</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/crownofplanets/pseuds/crownofplanets</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>毕业前一天晚上，诗人们偷偷把酒带进了山洞里，来庆祝（和悼念）他们作为诗社成员的庄严的最后一刻。Neil认为酒精会是一个绝佳的借口，能让他做一件因为害怕不能得偿所愿而拖延了好久的事.</p><p>translated by <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/xihe1874/">xihe1874</a>  &lt;3</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Todd Anderson/Neil Perry</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>那便是整个世界</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">为了说服</span>
  <span class="s2">Knox</span>
  <span class="s3">把酒</span>
  <span class="s1">偷带进山洞里，诗人们真是费尽了九牛二虎之力：因为害怕被发现，他从一开始就反对得斩钉截铁。</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s3">不得不向他保</span>
  <span class="s1">证</span>
  <span class="s2">——</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s1">你只要把它们运到山洞就行了，</span>
  <span class="s2">”</span>
  <span class="s3">他自信</span>
  <span class="s1">满满地说。在对方接二连三的拒绝声中，</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s3">搭在</span>
  <span class="s2">Knox</span>
  <span class="s3">肩</span>
  <span class="s1">头的手的力度很快由鼓励变成了威胁：</span>
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s3">小菜一</span>
  <span class="s1">碟是不是？</span>
  <span class="s2">”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s1">听着，大情圣，</span>
  <span class="s2">”Charlie</span>
  <span class="s1">见</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s3">苦苦哀求了</span>
  <span class="s1">几分钟无果，插话道，</span>
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s1">你追到了你的姑娘。你拿到了你该死的学位。你要去法学院读书了</span>
  <span class="s2">——</span>
  <span class="s3">老天</span>
  <span class="s1">啊！</span>
  <span class="s2">Carpe</span>
  <span class="s3">他</span>
  <span class="s1">妈的</span>
  <span class="s2">Diem</span>
  <span class="s1">啊！</span>
  <span class="s2">”Charlie</span>
  <span class="s3">揶揄地推了一把</span>
  <span class="s2">Knox</span>
  <span class="s3">。</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s1">听着，我们会把人群引开，</span>
  <span class="s2">”Neil</span>
  <span class="s3">提</span>
  <span class="s1">议，</span>
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s3">到</span>
  <span class="s1">时候我可以</span>
  <span class="s2">……</span>
  <span class="s3">朝</span>
  <span class="s2">Cameron</span>
  <span class="s3">的</span>
  <span class="s1">脸打一拳或者什么的？</span>
  <span class="s2">”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s1">为什么是我？</span>
  <span class="s2">”</span>
  <span class="s1">红头发的男孩举起手表示抗议。</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">诗人们哈哈大笑起来。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">搞定了</span>
  <span class="s2">Knox</span>
  <span class="s3">，</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s1">还得创造另一个奇迹，才能把那个明显不愿意参加今晚会议的某人也拖进来。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s3">春夜和暖的微</span>
  <span class="s1">风从开着的窗户吹进来，溢满了</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">和</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s3">合住的小房</span>
  <span class="s1">间。空气中渗着丝丝缕缕的蟋蟀叫声和蝉鸣，一切都在呼唤着他们，召唤出他们心内的诗篇，指引着他们潜入夜色。过去几周下了几场雨，现在已经放晴了，天空明净如洗，但雨水的味道和触感依然弥漫在树丛间、大理石台阶上、砖墙边和草叶上。如水的月华、闪烁的群星，共同照亮了那条</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">不愿意踏上的前往山洞的路。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s1">为什么不去呀？</span>
  <span class="s2">”</span>
  <span class="s1">这是</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s3">在五分</span>
  <span class="s1">钟里问的大概第十遍了。</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s3">因</span>
  <span class="s1">为，</span>
  <span class="s2">”Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">回答道，他曲起膝盖</span>
  <span class="s1">贴在自己胸前，蜷缩在墙角，</span>
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s3">我不喜</span>
  <span class="s1">欢当保姆。</span>
  <span class="s2">”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">尽管天时已晚，</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s1">还是放声大笑起来。</span>
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s1">这个问题只有一个解决办法，</span>
  <span class="s2">”</span>
  <span class="s3">他大大</span>
  <span class="s1">咧咧地说，</span>
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s1">你得和我们喝得一样醉。</span>
  <span class="s2">”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">看起</span>
  <span class="s1">来吃了一惊。</span>
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s3">不</span>
  <span class="s2">—</span>
  <span class="s3">不行！</span>
  <span class="s2">”</span>
  <span class="s3">他</span>
  <span class="s1">结结巴巴地回答，然后补了一句，声音比往常还要轻，</span>
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s3">我</span>
  <span class="s1">真的不太喝酒。</span>
  <span class="s2">”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s1">你以为他们能喝酒？才不是呢。</span>
  <span class="s2">Meeks</span>
  <span class="s3">在一次家庭聚</span>
  <span class="s1">会上尝了一口威士忌，结果吐了他姐夫一身。</span>
  <span class="s2">”Neil</span>
  <span class="s1">这句话本意是想让他安心，但</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s1">听了，反倒更确信今晚的局势一定会一发不可收拾。</span>
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s3">明天我</span>
  <span class="s1">们就毕业了，</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">。</span>
  <span class="s2">”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s3">我不</span>
  <span class="s1">会去的，</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s3">。</span>
  <span class="s2">”Todd</span>
  <span class="s1">轻声说，垂下眼睛，不去直视对方。</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s3">拜托，一定</span>
  <span class="s1">会很有趣的！那会是一次全新的体验。你也不想在上大学之前一次都没喝醉过吧，是不是？</span>
  <span class="s2">”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">朝他瞥了一眼，</span>
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s1">你知道我不喜欢因为同辈人给的压力而被迫行动吧？</span>
  <span class="s2">”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s3">看起</span>
  <span class="s1">来像刚被</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">的床</span>
  <span class="s1">垫砸过一样。他坐在</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">身</span>
  <span class="s1">边，过了好一会儿才开口。</span>
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s3">我知道。</span>
  <span class="s1">对不起。</span>
  <span class="s2">”</span>
  <span class="s3">他朝</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">无力地笑了笑。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s3">他</span>
  <span class="s1">们沉默了一会儿，躲避着对方的视线。</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s3">站起身</span>
  <span class="s1">来，开始为会议做准备。他蹬上橡胶靴，把斗篷披在自己穿着的薄睡衣上</span>
  <span class="s2">——</span>
  <span class="s3">天</span>
  <span class="s1">气很暖和，穿这么多足够了。</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s3">把《</span>
  <span class="s1">诗歌五百年》夹在胳膊底下，回头看了</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">一眼，然后慢慢把</span>
  <span class="s1">门打开。</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s3">如果我回</span>
  <span class="s1">来的时候把房间弄得一团糟的话，先向你道个歉。</span>
  <span class="s2">”</span>
  <span class="s3">他朝</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">笑了笑，而</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">正把自己埋在</span>
  <span class="s2">Keating</span>
  <span class="s1">给他的一本书里，假装在认真阅读。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s3">他</span>
  <span class="s1">抬起头，看到</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s1">飞快地关上门，留给了他一道几乎是残影的目光，在这之后，房间里就只剩下</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">一</span>
  <span class="s1">个人了。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s1">应当被称赞</span>
  <span class="s2">——</span>
  <span class="s3">在</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s1">离开后的头两分钟里，他一直在努力尝试把手上的书继续读下去。但是，他目光扫过的那一行行文字，没有一个能在他脑海中留下印象。他发现自己已经无意中浏览完了一整页，但一个词也没记住。在</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">眼前，所有字符已</span>
  <span class="s1">经完全失去了意义，现在它们只是一堆形状稍有不同的东西罢了，即使组合在一起，也一点儿都不重要了。</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">的思</span>
  <span class="s1">绪完全飘忽不定了，它们和</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s3">一起出了</span>
  <span class="s1">门，再也没法回到自己的脑海里了。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s3">男孩子把</span>
  <span class="s1">书扔到了一边，开始以自己最快的速度穿衣服，抖抖索索的手指艰难地系上斗篷的帽带。他本能地伸出手，去够放在衣柜上的手电筒，这才想到</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s3">把</span>
  <span class="s1">它带走了</span>
  <span class="s2">——</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s3">但，</span>
  <span class="s1">并没有。</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s1">碰到了凉凉的塑料外壳：手电筒就在那儿，静静地躺在角落里。</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil——</span>
  <span class="s1">这个聪明的、恼人的混蛋</span>
  <span class="s2">——</span>
  <span class="s3">故意把</span>
  <span class="s1">电筒留在了那里。他知道</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">一定</span>
  <span class="s1">会跟上来。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s1">尽可能轻地打开门。他很想去掐</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s3">的</span>
  <span class="s1">脖子，但又古里古怪地感到些许受宠若惊。直到他踏出宿舍楼，看向昏晦夜色中的花园时，这种纷繁复杂的情绪一直在他的胃里低低地翻涌着。</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">朝着那再熟悉不</span>
  <span class="s1">过的印第安山洞的方向飞奔而去，他尽可能快地跑着，希望能在其他人进入丛林之前赶上他们。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s3">黑暗</span>
  <span class="s1">总会使</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">感到不安。他一直挺</span>
  <span class="s1">胆小，但黑暗带给他的恐惧是最深的。可以肯定地说，在这个本应该安享阅读时光的夜晚，自己居然正在跑过空旷的场地、直入张牙舞爪、茂密幽暗的森林</span>
  <span class="s2">——</span>
  <span class="s1">这实在太出乎</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">的意料了。</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s3">幸好，他的心</span>
  <span class="s1">脏不需要承受太长时间的疯狂跳动，没跑多久，他就看到了在树荫间隙闪烁着的一团手电筒光。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s1">嘿！伙计们！</span>
  <span class="s2">”Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">大喊着。</span>
  <span class="s1">现在他已经离令人生畏的</span>
  <span class="s2">Wellton</span>
  <span class="s3">足</span>
  <span class="s1">够遥远，大喊大叫也是绝对安全的。他看到光团停顿了一秒，于是他又喊了一声。</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">？</span>
  <span class="s2">”</span>
  <span class="s3">有人呼喊道。</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">向他的朋友</span>
  <span class="s1">们冲过去，所有的光束都朝着他的方向照过来。</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“</span>
  <span class="s3">看看</span>
  <span class="s4">谁来了！</span>
  <span class="s1">”Charlie</span>
  <span class="s3">叫起</span>
  <span class="s4">来，伸出手搂住</span>
  <span class="s1">Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">的肩膀。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">诗人们拍着</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">的后背，</span>
  <span class="s1">庆祝他终于回心转意、愿意加入今晚的聚会。在人群中，</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">看到了</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s3">，他正沾沾自喜地微笑着，</span>
  <span class="s1">并不打算走过来和自己接触。</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s1">闭了闭眼，脸上有些泛红。他始终不愿意承认别人对自己的看法是正确的，因为他知道自己的潜能远不止他们假定中那么平庸。但不知怎么的，</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s1">对他的了如指掌，却让他心中多了些许浮想联翩的蠢蠢欲动。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s1">归队之后，戴着兜帽的诗人们才算真正意义上地出发了，他们沿着那条早已烂熟于心的小路走向山洞。众人交谈的声音和树林中的天籁织就了一首交响乐，</span>
  <span class="s2"> Todd</span>
  <span class="s1">觉得此间和谐甚至连诗歌也无法确切描绘。这大概是自己最后一次聆听到这段乐章了，这么想着，</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">的喉</span>
  <span class="s1">咙里开始哽住一些情绪。</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s3">在</span>
  <span class="s1">过去的几个月里，他们和周围体察到的现实一直在经历一种悄无声息的转变，在这转变之下，语言有着深邃的意指，无论何种思想都绝不会被嘲笑或奚落。这些确确实实地拯救了</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd——</span>
  <span class="s3">不</span>
  <span class="s1">仅仅是</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">。回想起</span>
  <span class="s1">过去了的那个冬天，</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">的胸中</span>
  <span class="s1">还是会隐隐作痛，但看到走在他前面、正因为</span>
  <span class="s2">Meeks</span>
  <span class="s1">说的什么俏皮话而放声大笑的</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s3">，他心中的酸</span>
  <span class="s1">涩也就烟消云散了。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s1">很快就落在了队伍后头。这并不是因为他走得不够快，而是因为他想要把一切慢下来，将这最后一晚彻底揉进自己的生命里。</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s1">发现</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s1">从人群中消失了，于是也放慢了步伐，与他步调一致。他看着</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">，眼中</span>
  <span class="s1">没有怜悯</span>
  <span class="s2">——Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">不喜</span>
  <span class="s1">欢被人怜悯</span>
  <span class="s2">——</span>
  <span class="s3">只有</span>
  <span class="s1">温柔的笑意。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s1">你不一定要来的，你知道，</span>
  <span class="s2">”Neil</span>
  <span class="s1">说着，尽管他已经知道</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s1">会怎么回答了。</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s1">哦，是嘛？那还有谁能在我们回去的时候，防止全校都被吵醒？</span>
  <span class="s2">”Todd</span>
  <span class="s1">并没有点明他的照料的对象是整个团队还是</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s3">一</span>
  <span class="s1">个人，不过他们俩都知道答案是什么。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s1">尽情地笑着，现在周围再也没有责备他们大声喧哗的严师了。</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s3">是</span>
  <span class="s1">啦，你是对的，</span>
  <span class="s2">”Neil</span>
  <span class="s3">平</span>
  <span class="s1">静下来，说道，</span>
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s3">我</span>
  <span class="s1">们需要你。</span>
  <span class="s2">”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">的耳</span>
  <span class="s1">朵涨红了，心跳也开始加速。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s1">并不是</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">喜</span>
  <span class="s1">欢上的第一个男孩。那一次，</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s1">远比现在要不知所措和抗拒得多。与那次让自己大吃一惊的感情经历不同，在第一次见到</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s3">之后，</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">就</span>
  <span class="s1">进入了一种平静的接受状态，一种近乎安定的放松感。每当</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s3">在他身</span>
  <span class="s1">边，</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s1">总会感觉到有一股不寻常的暖意从他的胃部洋溢到他身体的每一个角落，紧接着，他的脑海里会响起一声轻语：啊，他在呢</span>
  <span class="s2">——</span>
  <span class="s1">声音听起来心满意足。喜欢上</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s3">的感</span>
  <span class="s1">觉很熟悉很安适，就像回家一样。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s3">他</span>
  <span class="s1">们前面传来一阵响亮的尖叫和呼喊。</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s3">和</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s1">环顾四周，才意识到目的地已经近在咫尺了。想到其他人说不定已经找到了隐藏在山洞里的宝藏，</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s3">一</span>
  <span class="s1">个箭步冲上前去，而</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s1">则一如既往地紧随其后。</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s3">我</span>
  <span class="s1">靠，</span>
  <span class="s2">Knox</span>
  <span class="s3">，</span>
  <span class="s1">你真是彻彻底底</span>
  <span class="s2">Carpe</span>
  <span class="s3">了那</span>
  <span class="s1">见鬼的</span>
  <span class="s2">Diem</span>
  <span class="s3">。</span>
  <span class="s2">”</span>
  <span class="s3">面</span>
  <span class="s1">对着山洞里的战利品</span>
  <span class="s2">——</span>
  <span class="s3">各式各</span>
  <span class="s1">样、一瓶又一瓶的威士忌，有人这么说着。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">Knox</span>
  <span class="s1">偷带出来的酒原本藏在山洞最深处的岩石后面，现在被诗人们拿了出来，整整齐齐地排列在地上。一束束手电筒光照亮了酒瓶，在洞壁上反射出了琥珀色的美丽光晕。有那么一秒，</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s1">觉得他正置身于水下；这景象是从一次光怪陆离的梦中撷取的，温暖、美丽得像一幅超现实的画。在冲进山洞之前，诗人们静静地看着眼前的画面，沉默了许久。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s3">等大家都在自己平</span>
  <span class="s1">时的位置安顿好，</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s3">站起</span>
  <span class="s1">来，喧嚣的山洞顿时安静下来，只剩下柔和的低语声。</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s1">总是惊讶于</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s3">能如此</span>
  <span class="s1">轻易地掌控所有人的注意力。棕色头发的男孩低头看了眼诗集，咧嘴笑着，抬头朝</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s1">眨了眨眼。</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s1">这最后一次集会，让我们用酒来开启吧！</span>
  <span class="s2">”Neil</span>
  <span class="s1">话音刚落，他的伙伴们就狂野地嚎叫起来。他轻轻笑了笑，接过了</span>
  <span class="s2">Pitts</span>
  <span class="s1">递过来的酒瓶。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s3">他仰</span>
  <span class="s1">头喝了一大口，一点点酒液顺着他的嘴角滴到了下巴上。感觉到威士忌顺着自己的喉咙一路灼烧下去，</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s3">面目</span>
  <span class="s1">狰狞地做了个鬼脸。他瞥了一眼</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">，想示意他接</span>
  <span class="s1">过酒瓶，但</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">只是稍稍</span>
  <span class="s1">睁大了眼睛，</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s3">就</span>
  <span class="s1">转身把威士忌递给了</span>
  <span class="s2">Charlie</span>
  <span class="s3">。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">会议正如他们想的一样，快乐、疯狂，唯一出乎意料的是，所有人都逐渐真切地意识到，这是他们最后一次像这样相聚了。越来越空的酒瓶，越来越蠢的笑话，以及对于笑话越来越刻意的剧烈反应，都在掩饰着那个丑陋的真相：今晚之后，他们就渐行渐远、各奔东西了。大家会在全国各地，被各自的生活洪流所席卷，忙碌、疲惫得逐渐忘却曾经一起度过的时光。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s3">短短一</span>
  <span class="s1">个小时之后，意识还稍微清明的就只剩下</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">和</span>
  <span class="s2">Meeks</span>
  <span class="s1">两人了。他们时不时投给对方一道悲哀的目光。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">现在是</span>
  <span class="s2">Knox</span>
  <span class="s3">在</span>
  <span class="s1">读诗。他以一种极其夸张的表演方式朗读着《</span>
  <span class="s2">Annabel Lee</span>
  <span class="s3">》，因</span>
  <span class="s1">为醉得太厉害，情感又太充沛，他读得磕磕巴巴、跌跌绊绊。</span>
  <span class="s2">Knox</span>
  <span class="s1">读完了，并没什么人注意到。满地都躺着空酒瓶，几乎已经没有人再注意读诗这件事了。</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s3">原本仰</span>
  <span class="s1">卧在</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">身</span>
  <span class="s1">边的</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s3">猛地坐起</span>
  <span class="s1">来，起劲地鼓着掌。他充满激情地向</span>
  <span class="s2">Knox</span>
  <span class="s1">竖了竖大拇指，潇洒地笑着，又向后躺倒了。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s1">你喝醉了。</span>
  <span class="s2">”Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">小</span>
  <span class="s1">声说。尽管此时此刻，每个人都在说着明天就会忘记的话，这个</span>
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s3">秘密</span>
  <span class="s2">”</span>
  <span class="s3">似乎</span>
  <span class="s1">没有什么保守的必要。</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s3">朝他</span>
  <span class="s1">皱着眉，</span>
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s3">我</span>
  <span class="s1">没有。</span>
  <span class="s2">”</span>
  <span class="s1">听到这谎话，</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s1">双手交叉，不为所动。</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s3">微微</span>
  <span class="s1">撅起了嘴巴，</span>
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s3">好</span>
  <span class="s1">吧，也许有那么</span>
  <span class="s2">……</span>
  <span class="s3">一丁点</span>
  <span class="s1">儿？</span>
  <span class="s2">”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s3">金</span>
  <span class="s1">发男孩腼腆地笑了笑，靠在</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s3">旁</span>
  <span class="s1">边的石墙上休息。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">宁静，令人心安的宁静，轻柔地笼罩住了他们。和他当了几个月的室友之后，</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">已</span>
  <span class="s1">经完全熟悉了</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s3">的每</span>
  <span class="s1">个样子</span>
  <span class="s2">——</span>
  <span class="s3">不管是</span>
  <span class="s1">沉默的，还是叽叽喳喳吵闹着的。</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">知道</span>
  <span class="s1">当</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s1">读到一首极其美丽的诗歌时，他的呼吸会怎样停滞一瞬；也知道当</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s3">和三角函</span>
  <span class="s1">数作斗争时，那气闷的叹息会怎样逸出他的声线。他熟稔</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s3">每</span>
  <span class="s1">个尾音的扬抑变化，以及和这些变化相称的男孩永远激昂的情绪。</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">知道</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s3">什</span>
  <span class="s1">么时候会微笑，会叹息，会哭泣、大笑、叫嚷、愤怒、疲惫；他听过他唱歌，他看着他一次一次尝试，一次一次努力，甚至，极其偶尔，他也能看到</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s3">放</span>
  <span class="s1">弃。有时</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s1">会心不在焉，眼神空洞，语调完全没有起伏</span>
  <span class="s2">——</span>
  <span class="s3">但</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s1">还是懂得他。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s3">我</span>
  <span class="s1">记得有一次读到莎士比亚的什么什么</span>
  <span class="s2">……”</span>
  <span class="s1">这句没头没尾的话脱口而出止之后，</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s1">转过头，</span>
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s3">那</span>
  <span class="s1">让我想到了你。</span>
  <span class="s2">”</span>
  <span class="s3">他的嘴角</span>
  <span class="s1">扬起一丝微笑，半眯缝着眼看向</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">。</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s3">他</span>
  <span class="s1">很可能只是因为喝醉了才这么说</span>
  <span class="s2">……</span>
  <span class="s3">但</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">已</span>
  <span class="s1">经完全忘记了这个事实。他的脸颊灼烧着泛红，以至于不得不深吸一口气来稳定自己的情绪。为什么莎士比亚会让</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s3">想到自己？</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s3">是</span>
  <span class="s1">哪篇里的？</span>
  <span class="s2">”Todd</span>
  <span class="s1">实在无法控制自己的好奇心，开口问道，</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s1">皱着眉头看向地板，好像需要花费全身的力气才能想起文章的名字。他静止了几分钟，眉头越皱越深，直到哈哈笑着说：</span>
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s3">我不</span>
  <span class="s1">记得了。</span>
  <span class="s2">”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s1">咂了一下舌头，正准备控诉一番，但当</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s3">一手托</span>
  <span class="s1">腮，歪着头温柔地甜甜地看着他的时候，他眼中的责备就瞬间变成了无言的爱慕。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s1">你在看什么？</span>
  <span class="s2">”Todd</span>
  <span class="s1">问道，感觉自己的心跳不断加速。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s1">嗯？</span>
  <span class="s2">”Neil</span>
  <span class="s1">靠近了一点，头歪向一边，以便听清</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">的</span>
  <span class="s1">话。</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">这种亲密让</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">一</span>
  <span class="s1">动不动地静止在原地，他甚至能听到血液搏动的震耳欲聋的声音。突然，他嘴里泛起了一点木屑的味道，牙关也咬紧了。直到胸中传来一阵疼痛，</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">才意</span>
  <span class="s1">识到自己一直屏着呼吸。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s1">没什么。</span>
  <span class="s2">”</span>
  <span class="s3">他沙</span>
  <span class="s1">哑地回答道。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s1">抬头看向瞪大了双眼的</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">。</span>
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s3">好</span>
  <span class="s1">吧，</span>
  <span class="s2">”</span>
  <span class="s3">他含糊不</span>
  <span class="s1">清地说着，</span>
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s3">我去小</span>
  <span class="s1">个便。</span>
  <span class="s2">”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s1">尝试着站起来，但他已经醉了，所以这个简单的动作变得困难起来。他踉跄着，伸出手紧紧握住</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">的肩膀借力。不假思索地，金</span>
  <span class="s1">发男孩的手放到了对方的腰际。</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s3">以后，他</span>
  <span class="s1">们会花很多时间回想接下来发生的事</span>
  <span class="s2">——Neil</span>
  <span class="s3">被地上的一</span>
  <span class="s1">块石头绊到了。他趔趄着向前走去，一下子撞进了</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">的</span>
  <span class="s1">怀里。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">尽管从威士忌登场之后，石洞里就一直喧嚣不止，但</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">此刻</span>
  <span class="s1">并不是这么感知的。对他来说，时间完全静止了。除了自己颤抖着的呼吸声，他什么都听不到。他的气息拂过</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s3">的</span>
  <span class="s1">脸颊。两个男孩的目光相遇了，他们谁都没有移开视线。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">没有人注意到他们。石洞里太暗，诗人们吵吵闹闹着，错过了这一幕。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s3">他可以</span>
  <span class="s1">靠过去。他想要靠过去。但他知道这不公平：对</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s3">不公平，因</span>
  <span class="s1">为</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s3">醉成</span>
  <span class="s1">这样，没法表示反对；对</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">自己也不公平，因</span>
  <span class="s1">为明天早上，</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s3">就</span>
  <span class="s1">会彻底忘记这一切，而他就只能静静地忍受悲伤。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">当</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s1">终于发出一串咯咯咯的醉汉傻笑时，美好的气场被打破了。</span>
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s3">抱</span>
  <span class="s1">歉，</span>
  <span class="s2">”</span>
  <span class="s3">他</span>
  <span class="s1">说道，完全不知道</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s1">内心的天人交战。他挺直身子，总算摇摇晃晃地站了起来。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p4">
  <span class="s1">下一秒，他走出了石洞，走</span>
  <span class="s4">进树林里去了。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s1">叹了口气，靠回到石墙上，他脸颊上的潮红慢慢褪去了。现在，虽然他被朋友围绕着，但他觉得自己还是孤身一人。所以他允许自己去想入非非，去想在这最后一晚结束之前，自己和</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s3">之</span>
  <span class="s1">间会不会发生什么故事。他希望有故事，渴望命运的眷顾，但他无法确定。虽然他对</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s3">了如指掌，但</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s1">对他的态度似乎和对</span>
  <span class="s2">Meeks</span>
  <span class="s3">、</span>
  <span class="s2">Charlie</span>
  <span class="s3">或</span>
  <span class="s1">诗社其他人的没什么不同，所以他凭什么认为自己不是单相思呢？</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s3">失望涌上了他的心</span>
  <span class="s1">头，使他尝到了希望破灭的苦涩滋味。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">几分钟后，</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s1">开始担心</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s3">是不是出什</span>
  <span class="s1">么事了。他想起了那条不知深浅的小溪，去年冬天，诗社的伙伴们互相挑战着，可谁都不敢跳进去。即使是在更温暖的天气里，在浑浊的水域游泳也不是个好主意</span>
  <span class="s2">——</span>
  <span class="s3">何</span>
  <span class="s1">况</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s1">现在不清醒的状态。不管他多想游泳，这个做法都很令人害怕。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p4">
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s1">做了他能做的唯一的事。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s3">他在石洞入口外不</span>
  <span class="s1">远处找到了</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s3">。</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s3">背</span>
  <span class="s1">对着石洞站在一棵树下，前额靠在树干上，正在做他打算做的事，而不是像</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s1">担心的那样在夜泳。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p4">
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s4">你还好嘛？</span>
  <span class="s2">”Todd</span>
  <span class="s1">在他背后喊道。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s3">挺好</span>
  <span class="s1">哒</span>
  <span class="s2">~”Neil</span>
  <span class="s3">回答，把尾音</span>
  <span class="s1">发得脆生生的。他把拉链拉起来，然后转身面向他的朋友：</span>
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s3">想不想去走一走？</span>
  <span class="s2">”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s1">这么晚？</span>
  <span class="s2">”</span>
  <span class="s3">一想到</span>
  <span class="s1">这个点儿在树林里漫步，</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">就</span>
  <span class="s1">觉得四肢僵硬。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s1">这个嘛，如果我能让太阳为你升起照耀，我会的。</span>
  <span class="s2">”Neil</span>
  <span class="s3">如此</span>
  <span class="s1">轻易地说句话，这让</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">的</span>
  <span class="s1">脸颊泛红，</span>
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s3">可惜我的超能力不</span>
  <span class="s1">够，所以我们只好在月光下一起散步咯。</span>
  <span class="s2">”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s3">不可能不知道</span>
  <span class="s1">这句话听起来有多让人浮想联翩。这位少年，他几乎连梦里都在背诵诗歌。除非他想表达爱意，不然不可能说出</span>
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s3">月光下一起散步</span>
  <span class="s2">”</span>
  <span class="s1">这种话。但</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s1">还是忍不住想：如果不是呢？</span>
  <span class="s2">……</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s3">他笑了笑，希望可以掩</span>
  <span class="s1">饰自己异常的羞怯。</span>
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s3">我</span>
  <span class="s1">们会迷路的。</span>
  <span class="s2">”Todd</span>
  <span class="s1">继续发难。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s1">诶呀诶呀！你的冒险精神哪儿去啦，</span>
  <span class="s2">Anderson</span>
  <span class="s3">？</span>
  <span class="s2">”</span>
  <span class="s3">他</span>
  <span class="s1">从来没有叫过他</span>
  <span class="s2">Anderson</span>
  <span class="s3">。</span>
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s3">我</span>
  <span class="s1">们可以沿着溪流走，然后原路返回。</span>
  <span class="s2">”</span>
  <span class="s3">他好像</span>
  <span class="s1">很坚决，这让</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">更恐慌了：一</span>
  <span class="s1">个坚决的</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s3">在</span>
  <span class="s1">清醒的时候都很难搞。一想到这种决心在酒精的作用下很可能不受控制，</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">就瑟瑟</span>
  <span class="s1">发抖。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s1">你打算谋杀我是吧？</span>
  <span class="s2">”Todd</span>
  <span class="s1">说，瞥了一眼</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s3">指着的路</span>
  <span class="s1">径。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s1">翻了个白眼，朝</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">猛</span>
  <span class="s1">冲过去，抓住了他的肩膀用力摇了摇，脱口而出：</span>
  <span class="s2">“Carpe Noctem</span>
  <span class="s3">，良宵千金</span>
  <span class="s1">呐</span>
  <span class="s2">Anderson</span>
  <span class="s3">！</span>
  <span class="s2">”</span>
  <span class="s3">在</span>
  <span class="s1">对方反应过来发生了什么之前，</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s1">抓住了他的手腕，拖着他向前走去。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">的心</span>
  <span class="s1">脏在胸腔里疾速跳动着，脉搏敲打着血管，让他无法反抗。</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s1">箍着他手腕的力度像是一个炽热的镣铐，不知为什么，</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s1">并不想摆脱这种束缚。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s3">他</span>
  <span class="s1">们离开得越远，</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">的心就</span>
  <span class="s1">揪得越紧。令他不安的到底是对黑暗的恐惧，还是</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s3">奇怪的</span>
  <span class="s1">态度，他并不清楚。无论为何，</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">都无法阻止自己狂奔着的思</span>
  <span class="s1">绪。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“Neil</span>
  <span class="s3">，等一下！</span>
  <span class="s2">”</span>
  <span class="s1">当他觉得自己的心脏就快停摆时，</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s1">挤出了一句话。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s3">黑</span>
  <span class="s1">发男孩停了下来，转头看向</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">，</span>
  <span class="s1">担忧地皱着眉：</span>
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s1">你还好嘛？</span>
  <span class="s2">”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s1">你要把我带到哪里？</span>
  <span class="s2">”Todd</span>
  <span class="s1">问道。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s1">盯着他看了一会儿，坦白了：</span>
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s3">我不知道。就</span>
  <span class="s2">……</span>
  <span class="s3">走一</span>
  <span class="s1">会儿，</span>
  <span class="s2">Anderson</span>
  <span class="s3">。</span>
  <span class="s2">”</span>
  <span class="s3">他</span>
  <span class="s1">转过头去继续散步，但</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">把他拉了回</span>
  <span class="s1">来。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“</span>
  <span class="s4">你干嘛一直叫我</span>
  <span class="s1">Anderson</span>
  <span class="s3">？</span>
  <span class="s1">”Neil</span>
  <span class="s4">从来没见过这样严肃的</span>
  <span class="s1">Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">。</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“</span>
  <span class="s3">我</span>
  <span class="s1">……</span>
  <span class="s3">不知道。</span>
  <span class="s1">”Todd</span>
  <span class="s4">从来没见过这样说不出话的</span>
  <span class="s1">Neil</span>
  <span class="s3">。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">浓密的树林里黑黢黢的，只有树梢渗下的些许月光莹莹地闪烁着。</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s3">和</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">都出</span>
  <span class="s1">来得着急，没带手电筒，所以现在他们根本解读不了对方的表情。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s1">你喝多了。</span>
  <span class="s2">”Todd</span>
  <span class="s1">说道，从</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s3">的手中抽出自己的手腕。</span>
  <span class="s1">即使在黑暗里，</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">也能看到</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s3">突然垂</span>
  <span class="s1">头丧气了起来。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s3">四周安</span>
  <span class="s1">静了下来</span>
  <span class="s2">——</span>
  <span class="s3">好</span>
  <span class="s1">吧，说到底，夜晚的树林能有多安静呢？溪水向下游流淌着，汩汩的水声提醒</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">他</span>
  <span class="s1">还醒着。远处有一只猫头鹰叫了起来。如果</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">不是在如此仔</span>
  <span class="s1">细研究他朋友的表情的话，一定会被这啸叫声吓住。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p4">
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s1">向他走了一步。然后又走了一步。第三步。</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">向后退了一点，想要在</span>
  <span class="s1">两人保持一些装模作样的距离。</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s1">叹了一口气，好像是厌倦了这种游戏。他伸手握住了</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">的肩膀，定了定。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p4">
  <span class="s1">他又向前走了一步。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“Todd”</span>
  <span class="s3">，他</span>
  <span class="s1">轻声说道，声音比之前任何一次叫他名字都要温柔。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s1">怎么了？</span>
  <span class="s2">”</span>
  <span class="s3">金</span>
  <span class="s1">发男孩问道，想要装作漠不关心的样子，但他完全无法伪装了。当他的血液在身体里燃烧、奔腾的时候，他完全控制不住自己。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s3">我想起</span>
  <span class="s1">来读过的那句莎士比亚了。</span>
  <span class="s2">”</span>
  <span class="s3">黑</span>
  <span class="s1">发男孩说着。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s1">你想起来了？</span>
  <span class="s2">”Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">用他最小的</span>
  <span class="s1">声音回应着。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">当</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s3">背</span>
  <span class="s1">诵这句诗的时候，他没有用之前读诗的那种语调，没有用课堂上或是演</span>
  <span class="s2">Puck</span>
  <span class="s3">的那</span>
  <span class="s1">种戏剧性表演性的语气。他这次声音非常轻，好像不是在背诗。</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s3">好像是在</span>
  <span class="s1">讲述一个秘密。一个只想让</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">和夜</span>
  <span class="s1">晚的树林听到的秘密。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s1">你在哪里，哪里就是整个世界，人间的一切欢愉也都齐备；而你所不在的地方，则是一片荒凉。</span>
  <span class="s2">”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s3">亨利六世？</span>
  <span class="s2">”Todd</span>
  <span class="s1">终于想起来怎么呼吸了。他现在除了呼吸，什么都不能做</span>
  <span class="s2">——</span>
  <span class="s1">即使是呼吸，好像在这些词语的意思慢慢明晰之后也变得越来越困难。除了意思，还有它所包含的亲密。那令人癫狂的、如此突如其来却又期待已久、期待已久却又极其陌生、极其陌生却又谙熟于心的亲密。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s3">亨利六世，</span>
  <span class="s2">”Neil</span>
  <span class="s3">点点</span>
  <span class="s1">头，他的眼神里有一丝问讯</span>
  <span class="s2">——Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">不知道</span>
  <span class="s1">怎么回答，于是低头看向自己的脚，</span>
  <span class="s2">“Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">，看着我。</span>
  <span class="s2">”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s1">习惯了顺从，这种温顺和对不安的隐瞒、本能的道歉一样，似乎已经成了他的第二天性。但这一次，与之前无数次不假思索地服从命令不同，</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd Anderson</span>
  <span class="s1">这么做，是因为自己的意愿。因为他内心闪烁着冀望和渴求，他想要看懂</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s3">的</span>
  <span class="s1">颜色，想要知道他声音中的温柔和他的瞳色是否一致，想要确信他不是在和自己开玩笑。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s3">他不知道</span>
  <span class="s1">怎么解读自己看到的</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s3">眼中的情</span>
  <span class="s1">绪。那里有疑惑，有很多不确定，但更多的，是一种期待，好像在等些什么。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s1">怎么了？</span>
  <span class="s2">”Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">小</span>
  <span class="s1">声地催促着。他能看到永远自信的</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s1">犹豫了，他的决心跌跌绊绊。这可不是个常见的景象。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s1">皱了皱眉，但他深色的眼睛清澈如晴：</span>
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s3">答</span>
  <span class="s1">应我你不会讨厌我？</span>
  <span class="s2">”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">本能地想把他玩笑似的推</span>
  <span class="s1">开，但他发现自己呆在了原地。他喘息着轻轻笑了一声，小声说：</span>
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s3">我永</span>
  <span class="s1">远都不会讨厌你。</span>
  <span class="s2">”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">这正是最好的回答。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s1">脸上绽放出了世界上最开心的笑，他的自信全部回来了。那明亮和快活让</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">比</span>
  <span class="s1">刚刚更加痴迷。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s3">了解</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">，他知道如果</span>
  <span class="s1">给</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s1">过多的时间思考，这个男孩子就容易陷入纠结、改变主意，于是，</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">回答的</span>
  <span class="s1">话音刚落，他就俯身上前，第一次轻轻碰触了</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">的嘴唇。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">对</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd Anderson</span>
  <span class="s1">来说，最糟糕的事情莫过于被出其不意地</span>
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s1">袭击</span>
  <span class="s2">”</span>
  <span class="s3">。但他</span>
  <span class="s1">觉得</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s3">的行</span>
  <span class="s1">为并没有出其不意</span>
  <span class="s2">——</span>
  <span class="s3">他所有那些曾</span>
  <span class="s1">经有过的幻梦为他做好了准备。一直以来，他都在琢磨这件事，想象着对方的双唇和自己的紧密相连的感觉。在他脑海中，已经把这些</span>
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s3">非分之想</span>
  <span class="s2">”</span>
  <span class="s1">翻来覆去，设想了每一个可能的场景，但这并不在他的想象中。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">现实超越了诗人最疯狂的想象。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s1">刚刚老是咬嘴唇</span>
  <span class="s2">——Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">能</span>
  <span class="s1">够在自己的唇上的轻微触感中辨认出一些肿块，但他刚有了一些感受，对方施加的重量就消失了。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">Neil Perry</span>
  <span class="s3">可不是什</span>
  <span class="s1">么禁欲的人，至少</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s1">这么认为</span>
  <span class="s2">——</span>
  <span class="s3">他的血液里都流</span>
  <span class="s1">淌着激情，现在怎么可能克制得住自己？</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p4">
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s1">附身向前，他的目光</span>
  <span class="s4">带着一丝责备追随着</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s1">的嘴唇，看到</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s1">的嘴角浮出了一</span>
  <span class="s4">丝怀疑的微笑。他看向</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s1">的眼睛，</span>
  <span class="s4">觉得他可能会说些什么，比如抛出一句俏皮话来试探</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s1">的想法，但</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s1">只是站在那里，默默微笑。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“Neil</span>
  <span class="s3">，</span>
  <span class="s2">”Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">催促着，迫不及待地想</span>
  <span class="s1">让自己已经开始燃烧的心停止跃动，</span>
  <span class="s2">“Neil</span>
  <span class="s3">，我永</span>
  <span class="s1">远都不会讨厌你。</span>
  <span class="s2">”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s3">他</span>
  <span class="s1">发现这句话就足够了。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s3">先是手</span>
  <span class="s1">触碰着他的脖颈和后腰，然后强有力地向前一拉，然后，然后就是</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s3">的全部了。他的</span>
  <span class="s1">躯体，他的带有温暖微笑、庆幸地松了一口气的嘴唇，都完完全全和</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">的</span>
  <span class="s1">紧紧相接。</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s3">的</span>
  <span class="s1">双手在抚摸，被他自己咬肿的嘴唇也在游移。他们在探索，在发现，为这新发现的宝藏欣喜若狂。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s3">他的心</span>
  <span class="s1">终于被点燃了。</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s3">那是</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s1">从未感受过的炎炎炙热。这并不像夏天那种不舒服的灼热，或是痛苦的发烧病症，而是完全不一样的感觉，是一种令人愉悦的飘飘然，像是有火舌在舐着他的感官，让他不由自主地行动起来。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s3">他的身</span>
  <span class="s1">体比大脑运作地更快。在他把过多的重量倚到</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s3">身上之前，</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">站</span>
  <span class="s1">稳了脚跟。他的一度羞涩的双手，现在变得非常好奇，探索着那些他从没敢触碰的地方。</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s3">的</span>
  <span class="s1">锁骨，后腰，下颌的线条，</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s3">苗</span>
  <span class="s1">条的腰线，结实的胸膛，他的肩膀，他的脸颊、脖子、手臂</span>
  <span class="s2">——</span>
  <span class="s3">一切腰</span>
  <span class="s1">际以上的区域，一切都在被发现着。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s3">他</span>
  <span class="s1">们的嘴唇移动着，就好像知道要做什么一样</span>
  <span class="s2">——</span>
  <span class="s3">可能</span>
  <span class="s1">真的知道，可能他们已经想象了太久，以至于每个步骤都刻骨铭心，可能他们太想要做这件事，以至于所有疏忽都被忽略不计。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s3">分</span>
  <span class="s1">开他们的，是另一位诗人大声叫喊</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s3">名字的</span>
  <span class="s1">声音。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s1">靠！！！</span>
  <span class="s2">”Neil</span>
  <span class="s1">脱口而出，他们的嘴唇没有分开。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s3">再</span>
  <span class="s1">给我五分钟</span>
  <span class="s2">……”Todd</span>
  <span class="s1">嘟囔着，轻轻拽着另一个男孩的衬衫领子。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s3">移</span>
  <span class="s1">开少许，皱眉看着</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">。他只在早晨</span>
  <span class="s1">听到过这句话，当他们的闹钟响了，而他们俩都不想起床的时候。现在的语境也太不一样了。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s1">你是谁？</span>
  <span class="s2">”Neil</span>
  <span class="s1">问道，眼睛眯得小小的，但笑容更明亮了。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s1">你什么意思？</span>
  <span class="s2">”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s3">我，就</span>
  <span class="s2">——</span>
  <span class="s3">我以</span>
  <span class="s1">为你会吓坏了。我打了好久腹稿，准备了好长一段话，用来告诉你如果对我的感觉并不像我对你的感觉那样没事的，讨厌我也没事的，就，我只想告诉你我喜欢你，但我不知道怎么告诉你，什么时候告诉你，还有</span>
  <span class="s2">——”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“Neil</span>
  <span class="s3">。</span>
  <span class="s1">”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“——</span>
  <span class="s3">我想要周一告</span>
  <span class="s1">诉你来着，在</span>
  <span class="s2">Keating</span>
  <span class="s3">的</span>
  <span class="s1">课之后，因为你知道</span>
  <span class="s2">Keating</span>
  <span class="s3">的</span>
  <span class="s1">课之后我总是很兴奋，但那时</span>
  <span class="s2">Charlie</span>
  <span class="s1">开始说什么女孩子什么的，然后你就一直在点头，好像你明白似的，然后我就吓住了，但后来</span>
  <span class="s2">——”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“Neil</span>
  <span class="s3">。</span>
  <span class="s1">”Todd</span>
  <span class="s4">坚决地重复着。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“——</span>
  <span class="s3">然后前</span>
  <span class="s1">几天我讲了个笑话，你笑了，我就想着，我不能不告诉你，因为我真的做不到，我可以把这些事情瞒着我自己，但我什么都不可能瞒着你，所以我就下了决心，但是</span>
  <span class="s2">——</span>
  <span class="s3">但是</span>
  <span class="s2">……”</span>
  <span class="s3">他</span>
  <span class="s1">摇了摇头，想要清理一下想法，但他的动作被打断了。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">又吻了他，比起</span>
  <span class="s1">热切，更像是坚定，直到他感觉到自己的肩膀被</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s3">的手</span>
  <span class="s1">紧紧抓住，才停下来。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s3">作</span>
  <span class="s1">为一个这么聪明的人，你可真是太傻啦。</span>
  <span class="s2">”Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">告</span>
  <span class="s1">诉他。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s3">走</span>
  <span class="s1">开啦。</span>
  <span class="s2">”Neil</span>
  <span class="s3">笑着，但</span>
  <span class="s1">并没有把他推开。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s3">他</span>
  <span class="s1">们相拥了一会儿，仔仔细细地观察对方。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s1">你的嘴唇都红啦，</span>
  <span class="s2">”Neil</span>
  <span class="s1">说着，他的手指摩挲着</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">的下嘴唇，好像在</span>
  <span class="s1">触碰一朵花瓣一样。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s1">你的头发特别乱，</span>
  <span class="s2">”Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">用手</span>
  <span class="s1">抚摸着</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s3">的</span>
  <span class="s1">头发，尝试着解开那些他自己绕起来的发结。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s1">你的脸颊红了。</span>
  <span class="s2">”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s1">你的脖子也是。</span>
  <span class="s2">”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s3">那是因</span>
  <span class="s1">为我很热。</span>
  <span class="s2">”Neil</span>
  <span class="s1">为自己声辩着，把脖子缩进衣领里，以免</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">再</span>
  <span class="s1">盯着那里。</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s1">觉得他说得挺对。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s3">其他人</span>
  <span class="s1">还没有找到他们，他们选择不去回答诗人们持续不断的叫喊，而是坐在水边交谈。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s3">感</span>
  <span class="s1">觉好像过了好几个小时，</span>
  <span class="s2">Meeks</span>
  <span class="s1">终于找到了他们。</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s1">你们在这儿！</span>
  <span class="s2">”</span>
  <span class="s3">他欣慰地大喊着，</span>
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s3">我</span>
  <span class="s1">找了你们好几个小时了！你们去哪儿了？</span>
  <span class="s2">”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s3">坐着的</span>
  <span class="s1">两个少年互相看了看，又看了看他们的朋友，然后都笑了。</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">Meeks</span>
  <span class="s3">肉眼可</span>
  <span class="s1">见地放松了，他看着地上的两个人。</span>
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s1">你们得帮我一起让其他人冷静下来，他们想要闯进</span>
  <span class="s2">Nolan</span>
  <span class="s3">的</span>
  <span class="s1">办公室，把那地方拆了。</span>
  <span class="s2">”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s3">我去，</span>
  <span class="s2">”Neil</span>
  <span class="s1">说着，一下子跳起来。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s3">身</span>
  <span class="s1">边的温暖消失了，</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">不禁</span>
  <span class="s1">嘟了嘟嘴，但他向</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s3">的方向伸出了手。</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s3">把他拉了起</span>
  <span class="s1">来。当他放开手的时候，</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s1">屏住了呼吸，但他发现</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s3">只松</span>
  <span class="s1">开了一只手，另一只，藏在</span>
  <span class="s2">Meeks</span>
  <span class="s3">看不到的地方，依然和他的十指相</span>
  <span class="s1">扣。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s3">他</span>
  <span class="s1">们和卷发的男孩一起穿过树林，走回洞穴。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s1">你们俩做了些什么？</span>
  <span class="s2">”Meeks</span>
  <span class="s3">走在他</span>
  <span class="s1">们俩前面，回头问道。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“Neil</span>
  <span class="s3">想透透</span>
  <span class="s1">气。</span>
  <span class="s2">”Todd</span>
  <span class="s1">随口糊弄着，从紧握着的手中得到了勇气。</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s3">他想要高</span>
  <span class="s1">声呼喊，炫耀他的新发现；他想和</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s1">拥吻，无论有谁会看到；他想要告诉离他们一步之遥的</span>
  <span class="s2">Meeks</span>
  <span class="s3">，告</span>
  <span class="s1">诉他</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s3">眼里的光芒，</span>
  <span class="s1">挡住这双眼睛的一绺垂下来的头发，还有靠得很近才能看到的他脸上的雀斑；他想要抓住</span>
  <span class="s2">Keating</span>
  <span class="s3">的衣</span>
  <span class="s1">领，向他背诵一首关于</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s3">的丘比特之箭、</span>
  <span class="s1">关于他鼻梁的弧度、关于他浓密的睫毛的诗；他想要闯进</span>
  <span class="s2">Nolan</span>
  <span class="s3">的</span>
  <span class="s1">办公室，用校长专用的笔给</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s1">写一封情书。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s3">集合一群喝醉了的</span>
  <span class="s1">诗人简直像在飓风天聚集牛群一样艰难。他们你追我赶，到处乱跑，像一台坏了的留声机一样不停地放声大喊：</span>
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s3">及</span>
  <span class="s1">时行乐！</span>
  <span class="s2">”“</span>
  <span class="s3">良宵千金！</span>
  <span class="s2">”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s3">起初，</span>
  <span class="s1">这个任务很乏味。奔跑和叫喊几乎摧毁了</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s1">极力想要保持的最后一点浪漫氛围。</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s3">后</span>
  <span class="s1">来会告诉他，在树林里跑着追赶一个上半身没穿衣服的</span>
  <span class="s2">Charlie Dalton</span>
  <span class="s3">和一</span>
  <span class="s1">个全身都没穿衣服的</span>
  <span class="s2">Knox Overstreet</span>
  <span class="s3">，</span>
  <span class="s1">真是一场绝妙的初次约会。</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s3">但</span>
  <span class="s1">很快，他们就开始享受了。在黑暗中，被烂醉的同伴们围绕，没有人注意到他们牵着的手。他们只是两个和其他人一起在树林里飞奔的更暗淡、更模糊的身影。</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s3">他</span>
  <span class="s1">们大笑，直到无法呼吸；他们狂奔，直到无法站立。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s3">等到他</span>
  <span class="s1">们的手表时针指着三的时候，大部分诗人都已经累倒了。先是</span>
  <span class="s2">Pitts</span>
  <span class="s3">，然后是</span>
  <span class="s2">Cameron</span>
  <span class="s3">和</span>
  <span class="s2">Charlie</span>
  <span class="s3">，都把</span>
  <span class="s1">头伸进小溪里想要清醒一下。</span>
  <span class="s2">Knox</span>
  <span class="s1">为了达到同样的效果，让</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s3">打了他一巴掌，可是效果似乎不佳。</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s1">劳驾提醒我一下，我怎么会觉得这个安排是个好主意来着？</span>
  <span class="s2">”Neil</span>
  <span class="s3">坐着抱怨道，腿架在</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">腿上</span>
  <span class="s2">——</span>
  <span class="s1">对于他们而言，这个姿势算不上陌生。</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s1">这可难住我了。</span>
  <span class="s2">”Todd</span>
  <span class="s1">说着，伸手把自己黏在额前的头发拨开。大部分人的外套都脱下来了，堆在山洞里。诗人们坐在开阔的地方，喘着气。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s3">我</span>
  <span class="s1">们应该回去了吧？</span>
  <span class="s2">”Meeks</span>
  <span class="s3">在</span>
  <span class="s1">另一边喊道。这个建议的语气是沮丧的，在到达令人伤感的告别之前，时间并没有慢下来。</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">树梢间的天空已经从黑色变成了深蓝色。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">和</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s3">看了看</span>
  <span class="s1">对方。黑发男孩眼神里有一种热切让</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">的腹部</span>
  <span class="s1">蜷缩起来，他不确定应该将这种热切命名为不安，还是期待。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p4">
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s1">好的，</span>
  <span class="s2">”Neil</span>
  <span class="s1">同意了，他的腿晃到了地上，</span>
  <span class="s4">发出砰的一声响，</span>
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s1">我</span>
  <span class="s4">们走吧。</span>
  <span class="s2">”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">并没有仪式性的道别。当他们返回石洞拿外套的时候，每位诗人都向他们的圣所无声地道了别。</span>
  <span class="s2">Charlie</span>
  <span class="s3">吻了洞穴之神，又把</span>
  <span class="s1">它放回了原处；</span>
  <span class="s2">Knox</span>
  <span class="s3">在潮</span>
  <span class="s1">湿的黑暗中流下了眼泪；</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s1">从地上捡了一片树叶，把它夹到了《诗歌五百年》的书页里；</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">用手</span>
  <span class="s1">抚摸着石壁，轻轻地说了一声</span>
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s1">谢谢</span>
  <span class="s2">”</span>
  <span class="s3">。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">诗人们并不畏惧离别。他们知道自己的离开并不意味着诗社的结束，他们也知道诗社教会他们的一切将会一直陪伴他们，直到大学，直到很久以后。他们所有人的生活都在这个石洞里发生了变化；这个地方，那些话语，将会以很多种超出他们理解能力的方式改变他们。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s3">半醉半醒的</span>
  <span class="s1">诗人比昏迷不醒的时候还要</span>
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s3">危</span>
  <span class="s1">险</span>
  <span class="s2">”</span>
  <span class="s3">，因此在他</span>
  <span class="s1">们回去的路上，</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s3">放</span>
  <span class="s1">开了</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">的手。</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">感到有点失望，但他</span>
  <span class="s1">现在满脑子都是马上到房间里之后，他将会享有的和</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s3">的</span>
  <span class="s1">两人世界。他担心，回到他们熟悉的宿舍之后，无论是何种让他和</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s3">能</span>
  <span class="s1">够共享亲密的魔法，都会消失无踪。在卧室的刺眼灯光之下，暗影会游移，一切都会恢复原状，树林小溪边发生过的事根本不会留下踪迹。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s3">他被</span>
  <span class="s1">脸颊旁的响指声拉回了现实。</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s1">你还好吧？</span>
  <span class="s2">”Neil</span>
  <span class="s1">问道，关心地抿着嘴。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s1">眨了眨眼，</span>
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s3">挺好的。</span>
  <span class="s2">”</span>
  <span class="s3">他</span>
  <span class="s1">叹了一口气，被黑发男孩眼中满满的温柔安抚了。他怎么会忽视这份爱意呢。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s3">那好</span>
  <span class="s1">吧。</span>
  <span class="s2">”</span>
  <span class="s3">他</span>
  <span class="s1">咧嘴笑了，像之前无数次那样伸手揽住</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">的肩膀。</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">这一次，触碰带来了灼烧的感觉。亲近的姿态引发了热潮，几乎让人承受不住</span>
  <span class="s2">——</span>
  <span class="s3">如果</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">不是</span>
  <span class="s1">真的真的很渴望它的话。</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s3">他意</span>
  <span class="s1">识到他已经把自己的感情压抑得太久了，以至于当他的希望和梦想潮水一般涌回他的身体时，几乎让他被刺痛。这并不是说爱</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s3">是一件痛苦或折磨的事，而是因</span>
  <span class="s1">为他意识到，他如果早点开口，早就能享有这一切了。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">诗人们一路行走着，穿过</span>
  <span class="s2">Hellton</span>
  <span class="s1">静谧的春日黎明。露水沾湿了他们的脚和长袍下摆，青草的气味弥漫在空气里。</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">当他们离宿舍越来越近时，对话安静了下来。在曙光之下，所有的闯进</span>
  <span class="s2">Nolan</span>
  <span class="s1">办公室、制造骚乱的建议都停止了</span>
  <span class="s2">——</span>
  <span class="s3">或</span>
  <span class="s1">许，只是推迟了。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s3">他</span>
  <span class="s1">们两个两个地走进了大楼，以免制造太响的噪声。当</span>
  <span class="s2">Meeks</span>
  <span class="s3">和</span>
  <span class="s2">Pitts</span>
  <span class="s3">消失在</span>
  <span class="s1">门后面，只剩下</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">和</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s3">的</span>
  <span class="s1">时候，气氛就变了，变成了一些不可名状的暧昧。</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">的</span>
  <span class="s1">脸颊开始灼烧，心跳狂奔着。</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">。</span>
  <span class="s1">”Neil</span>
  <span class="s3">把他的名字念得像一</span>
  <span class="s4">个承诺。</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s1">嗯哼，</span>
  <span class="s2">”</span>
  <span class="s3">他答</span>
  <span class="s1">应着，眼神几乎能在大楼坚实的台阶上钻出一个洞。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">当</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s1">牵起他的手时，他才意识在自己的手一直在抖。</span>
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s1">你害怕了？</span>
  <span class="s2">”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s1">没</span>
  <span class="s2">—</span>
  <span class="s1">没有，</span>
  <span class="s2">”</span>
  <span class="s3">他</span>
  <span class="s1">很讨厌自己声音中的颤抖。当他再次开口时，</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">强迫自己平</span>
  <span class="s1">静下来，</span>
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s3">我有点</span>
  <span class="s1">儿紧张。</span>
  <span class="s2">”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s1">你在犹豫</span>
  <span class="s2">……</span>
  <span class="s3">？</span>
  <span class="s2">”Neil</span>
  <span class="s1">声音里的担忧让</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">心里猛地一</span>
  <span class="s1">阵内疚。他握紧了</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s3">的手，比起鼓</span>
  <span class="s1">励，更像是在警告。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s3">想都</span>
  <span class="s1">别想。</span>
  <span class="s2">”</span>
  <span class="s3">他的</span>
  <span class="s1">语气很坚定，甚至有些严肃，</span>
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s3">我已</span>
  <span class="s1">经渴望了太久太久了。</span>
  <span class="s2">”</span>
  <span class="s3">他</span>
  <span class="s1">几乎在耳语。这句表白在活跃起来的鸟鸣声中显得格外安静。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s3">他的</span>
  <span class="s1">话完全出乎了</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s3">的意料。他</span>
  <span class="s1">呆住了，手不禁放松下来，只知道保持着呼吸。他细细地观察着</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">的表情，想要</span>
  <span class="s1">找到一些暗示，暗示他在说谎，或者在开玩笑。一些能证明他说的话不真实的暗示。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s3">什</span>
  <span class="s1">么？</span>
  <span class="s2">”Neil</span>
  <span class="s1">终于找回了自己的声音。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">的害羞立刻</span>
  <span class="s1">转变成了彻底的温柔，</span>
  <span class="s2">“Neil</span>
  <span class="s3">，我喜</span>
  <span class="s1">欢你喜欢了有多久，你可能都想象不出来。</span>
  <span class="s2">”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s3">等等，等一下，</span>
  <span class="s1">这是什么意思？从什么时候开始？</span>
  <span class="s2">”Neil</span>
  <span class="s1">磕磕绊绊地问着。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s1">几乎</span>
  <span class="s2">……</span>
  <span class="s1">从我第一次见到你开始？</span>
  <span class="s2">”Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">坦白道，</span>
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s1">你让我觉得我很特殊，很重要。这和我之前所相信的一切</span>
  <span class="s2">——</span>
  <span class="s3">所不得不相信的一切</span>
  <span class="s2">——</span>
  <span class="s3">都不一</span>
  <span class="s1">样。</span>
  <span class="s2">”</span>
  <span class="s3">他有点</span>
  <span class="s1">伤感地笑了笑，</span>
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s3">我</span>
  <span class="s1">发现我老是盯着你看。我希望你抬起头发现我，但我又害怕。而当你真的看向我的时候，我的心情就会一整天都平静不下来。我一直在想，</span>
  <span class="s2">‘</span>
  <span class="s3">如果他知道了</span>
  <span class="s1">会怎么样？如果我让他觉得厌恶，怎么办？如果</span>
  <span class="s2">——</span>
  <span class="s3">如果我</span>
  <span class="s1">对他来说，并不像他的微笑让我感觉到的那么特殊，怎么办</span>
  <span class="s2">……’Neil</span>
  <span class="s3">，我不</span>
  <span class="s1">傻，我知道你对我和对其他朋友都一样，你是一个很喜欢和别人亲近的人，你发现了没有？</span>
  <span class="s2">”</span>
  <span class="s3">他</span>
  <span class="s1">轻轻地笑了笑，觉得有点尴尬</span>
  <span class="s2">——</span>
  <span class="s3">每</span>
  <span class="s1">当</span>
  <span class="s2">Neil</span>
  <span class="s1">揽住其他诗人的肩膀，候着把头靠在其他诗人膝盖上，他就会感到嫉妒。</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s3">深色</span>
  <span class="s1">头发的男孩好像找回了自己的人际交往技能。</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s1">你知道，我觉得这是我认识你以来，你说过最多话的一次了，</span>
  <span class="s2">”Neil</span>
  <span class="s1">说着，又牵起了</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">的手，</span>
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s3">而且我</span>
  <span class="s1">觉得我们应该上楼了，这样我就可以向你展示你刚刚的一些假设是错的。</span>
  <span class="s2">”</span>
  <span class="s3">他用空余的手</span>
  <span class="s1">抬起</span>
  <span class="s2">Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">的下巴，使他看向自己，</span>
  <span class="s2">“</span>
  <span class="s3">而且，</span>
  <span class="s1">既然我们谈到了这一点，我也可以向你展示当真正重要的时刻，我会是一个多么深情的人。</span>
  <span class="s2">”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“</span>
  <span class="s3">好主意。</span>
  <span class="s1">”Todd</span>
  <span class="s3">承</span>
  <span class="s4">认道。</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks so much to xihe for the hard work translating this, and all the care they put into my story.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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